One Week Home

You know, it would be really nice to write a wonderful, encouraging post right now. Too bad that’s not what’s really going on. I am feeling better, but now Ava is sick. SICK. She’s had a high fever all week, and it’s starting to make me nervous. I’m calling the doctor in the morning if she isn’t any better. I already had her there once this week, and I told them to make us our own “wing” in the clinic since we’ll have been there like 4 times in one week.

Binh has his own appointment with the doctor on Friday. I am anxious to get some more information about his health from someone I totally understand. My doctor is very meticulous. Often, she’s in the room for more than a half hour. On Monday, when I took Ava, we shut the place down. We were there for more than an hour. All the lights were off and the receptionists had gone home by the time we left.

Ash went back to work/school and I was left alone with a sick child and another who, frankly, I barely know for the day. Luckily, an angel in the form of our house cleaner came and made at least a small part of my life better,(not that things are ALL bad or anything). The house cleaner is seriously one of the best gifts Ash has ever gotten me. Even is all heck is breaking loose, my house is clean! I did break out the double stroller for the first time and attempted a walk. It was in the mid 60’s here and sunny, so I thought it would be good to get some fresh air. We did ok. Ava enjoyed it for the first half, then she pronounced herself “done”. Good thing I was already on my way back home. It was a short walk, but I still got to see some sunshine.

I’m still trying to figure Binh out. I don’t know what part of his actions is his personality (grunting at me and kicking when he doesn’t like something- I find that annoying, by the way) and what is orphanage behavior (cocking his head WAY back when he takes a bottle, or scratching the left side of his head when he’s going to sleep). Right now, I feel like someone is going to come to my door and say, “OK, I’m here to pick up Binh. Thanks for babysitting”. Then I realize that’s not gonna happen. I’m his mom. God literally gave this child to me and it’s my job to put the pieces together and make a life for our family, our whole family. That scares the cheese out of me. I can’t even get both kids in and out of the bath and dressed by myself yet! How do I provide a loving, caring environment to this child who may or may not even like me? It does remind me of the day we brought Ava home from the hospital. I was in utter pain from delivery and really just wanted to stay in the hospital and let the nurses take care of her, and me, for that matter. My hospital didn’t even do the “wheelchair to the door”. They handed us Ava, made sure she was in a carseat, and basically told us to have a nice life. We walked out the doors of the hospital expected by everyone to care for, and raise another human being to adulthood. Now, I have a son who spent his first year without parents, and suddenly he is supposed to be a son, a little brother, grandson, nephew, etc. Really, all he is capable of being right now is Binh. I hope we all find out who that is, Binh included.


5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ava & Binh's Uncle
    Apr 17, 2008 @ 13:05:54

    Help is on the way, if you want to call your mother and brother help! Although it has taken me 17 years to figure out I have know idea what my kids are thinking, doing or considering. That’s the frustration of a parent, all you think about, do for and consider is your kids, and how to raise them in a christian, educated and responsible life. The may respond hurtful and disappointing ways now, but I truly believe as they become adults (which they think they are now), they will look back and appreciate and love us even more for what we did. If not I have lost a lot of hair and that which remains is graying, and the cost of daily medication for high blood pressure is lost.

    Love ya guys and see ya soon


  2. Karoliina
    Apr 18, 2008 @ 00:10:19

    You will do just fine. I know so. And just take a look at the pictures that you’ve posted so far: You are a family! I’m thinking of you, and can’t wait to see you (soon I hope).


  3. Terri Anne
    Apr 18, 2008 @ 00:56:03

    You’re going to put the pieces together in no time at all. You’ll be amazed how he changes, as the trust is built. Listen to your gut.
    -Terri Anne


  4. Melinda
    Apr 18, 2008 @ 15:36:22

    Things will fall into place with time; you’re doing wonderful. (- but I’ll probably need that reminder when I’m trying to figure out being with two kids) 😉


  5. Heather
    Apr 21, 2008 @ 17:38:21

    Your post rings so clear and brings me back a few months.
    On October 30,2007 we adopted 7 month old boy/girl Virtual twins from Vietnam. I was surprised how hard it was to adapt into a 7 month olds life. Kind of like having a newborn because you have no prior knowledge of their likes or dislikes,
    comforts, or needs but harder because they already have a preconceived idea of what these things are. We winged it and basically were just on survival mode for 12 weeks. I can remember almost having panic attacks when my husband would leave me alone with them. I wished I was an octopus with 8 arms. I also have a 4 year old home with me. I never felt like I was meeting everybody’s needs. I felt like I was not ever going to be capable of doing this by myself. Fast forward 51/2 months and I am an old pro. We are all comfortable with each other now and can not remember a time without each other. I forget all the time my babies are adopted.
    I wish you best of luck and will be following your journey. Remember survival mode first and then all the rest will come in time. One day you will just wake up and it will all come natural.


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