Am I Performing a Coup, Here?

I may very well be performing a coup, in the Native American sense of the word, I mean. Well, sort of. I actually am getting ready to attack perhaps one of America’s most beloved children’s authors. But I just can’t hold it in, anymore.

I hate Dr. Seuss.

There. I’ve said it. I cannot stand Dr. Seuss. I mean, I’m sure the Doctor himself, Theodore Seuss Geisel, was a nice enough man. I haven’t read or seen any of his other non-children’s works. He obviously must have loved children in order to write kid’s books. So I by no means think he was a bad person. So let me rephrase.

I hate Dr. Seuss children’s books.

I know Dr. Seuss books are a beloved icon of Americana. They have probably helped teach millions of children to read over the years and sparked imagination in many of those same kids. I can appreciate that, really I can. I just really cringe when I have to read one of them. I didn’t even like Dr. Seuss when I was a kid myself. I never understood why that one guy, I use the term guy loosely because I’m not sure what those weird characters  in the illustrations are supposed to be, but when that guy tried to get the other one to eat green eggs and ham. I couldn’t understand, at age 5 or so, why anyone would want another person to eat food that is so obviously spoiled. You know, because why else would eggs or ham be green? I felt that poor Sam-I-Am was the smarter of the two characters. I wouldn’t eat green eggs and ham, either. It could make you sick! I never understood why some mother would name her child Sam-I-Am. What kind of name is that? Imagine the ridicule Sam-I-Am would face at school say, when the teacher called on him.

“Who knows the answer…Yes, Sam-I-Am?”

“Uh, no, he’s Sam-I-Am, not you, teacher..”

I guess I just felt that Dr. Seuss books were talking down to me, at five or six years old, and I resented that. I did see that the Green Eggs and Ham book was about trying new things, but it was just too out there for me. I thought it was stupid that anyone would want to eat spoiled food in a tree or with a goat or fox.

And those illustrations….don’t even get me started. I never liked The Grinch Who Stole Christmas and even now those characters creep me out with their pointy heads and wierd little feet. My DH told me they kinda’ gave him nightmares, too. The only character I did like in that little movie was the dog, but then I never really met a dog I didn’t like on at least some level.

The one Dr. Seuss book I can stand to read is Oh, The Places You’ll Go. The words to that one I can read without gnashing my teeth, though the illustrations are meant to be looked at by people trippin’ on acid, I suspect. I see that on Amazon, there is a version meant to be read to your baby in utero. Getting them on Dr. Seuss before they’re even born…yikes.

Needless to say, we do not own any Dr. Seuss books at our house. I’m probably damaging my children in some way by not exposing them to the “wondrous mind” that is the good Doctor. But you see, if we have these books in our house, I am the one who will have to read them. I’m just not ready for that..

If you’re a Dr. Seuss proponent, I hope you’re not too offended, and I’m happy to hear your side of why he’s so great. Not that you’re going to change my mind. I think I’m just to grounded in reality to appreciate the books.

And my I not be struck my lightning for writing this post..